and im feeling good...

hear those horns in the background? good cause i wanted them there..

life is seriously only getting better and better each day that passes. today was quite interesting for me. I woke up thinking this was going to be a chill day..which of course, it wasnt. i needed to bring sofia to the groomer, she was sooo mated up, and really dirty, like i could smell her and her fur was hard to pet. I thought there was no way she would get in, but luckily she did!! I had to bring her down earlier than i planned on leaving, but it worked out well for me. I dropped her off and went to get some breakfast by myself. I went to Brio, and I never usually go there alone, but it was nice to go sit in the coffee shop alone and just be. I realized how much i never go out. This then lead to the fact that i think i keep myself locked up more than i should. i never go to town and just sit in a coffee shop ever. i really have no need to actually, so why would i? but i realized i need to be out more, i need to put myself out there to make friends and to start having a life here too. it is hard living so far up the mountain, but i put myself into this box, that i thought was the town, its just me. its all in my head, like most things to most people.

after coffee, i went to the gym with jenna. it was so nice being back there..i was on this machine i usually only do about 20 minutes on, because it drives me crazy to just be in one spot for so long, but today i pushed myself to do 25 minutes, and it was hard too! it felt good to get off that and go do other work outs. Afterward i went into the steam room and a stranger asked my advice, and it just flowed out of me, just like mya said it would. i have the gift of helping people, its just in me to do. i love it! my advice totally helped her, and i feel like i made a new friend. she also happend to be from philly!! i was all ready to go home and chill with sofia, when i got asked to work..immediatly i didnt want to, but i did! i made myself go. i couldnt turn down money no matter what. after i worked i made good money and came home tired and worn out, but it felt nice. i cleaned my house up a bit, and then sat down and watched gossip girl. Nikole called and told me her friend is looking for a house in LA with 3 other people and wants me to be their 4th!! things are really starting to come together for me. Tomorrow im working at post haste, then for my friend brian. wed work, thurs work and fri work!! 5 full days of work!! its so good. it feels good, im not even that scared of it really. i have a goal to attain, and to get that goal i need money, so work is how i get money. its not all that bad either since i got tickets to see talib kweli on friday!!

i guess the point im trying to make is, im actually doing shit just like i wanted to. i have a plan, a goal, and im taking the steps to attain that goal. im working hard and it feels good. im no longer wasting away. Oh my god and the best part is today is the first day in many years that i didnt smoke weed!!! thats another one of my goals! to only smoke on the weekend or special occasions. weed is holding me back from living life the way i should, so i decided to take charge of it. i was really tempted when i sat down to watch tv, i packed up the bowl and had the lighter in my hand twice to do it, but i put it down. i knew i was stronger than that. and i was right.

im a strong woman who has goals and is going to complete them and make a good life for herself.
holla!

my future's so bright, i gotta wear shades..

man it just really sums up how im feeling lately.

i feel like a light bulb the size of california went off in my head. i get it now. it all makes sense. everything im dealing with is so cirucluar, and its been hard to fix everything, because they are all invovled together. i feel like i have so many ideas and thoughts, and wants. i feel like i have taken that step, that step to decide im moving. its time to move on. its scary as hell but its time to move on. this is my home and everything i made it, but i can do that again. this phase is coming to close very quickly, but its all good. i feel so ready to live a life again! have a life! i really have sacrificed a lot over my lifetime, and i feel like the big pay off is coming now. i feel motivated and excited about my future, even though i have no idea where its gonna go, or how im gonna do it, it doesnt matter. im going to just do it. try it out, see if it works..if it doesnt figure something else out. everything always works out if you try hard enough, even if its not exactly what you wanted, it leads you to something better and more fitting. i think through out life we all go through these trials several times, and some of us follow it, and some of us dont. but the people who dont are the unhappy people stuck in their mondane lives wishing for something to happen. well its all about making it happen, strike when the irons hot as they say.

i feel so blessed that i am such a free spirit. i felt so bogged down my whole life, but i am so adaptable, and can just go with the flow so easily that i can remake myself happy. i am happy. i am happy to be ready to move on. i feel like i really will enjoy these last few times out here. its so funny that me and jenna became such good friends recently, because now im moving, and they always say that happens. you meet those special people as your leaving, but its all for a reason too. i feel so lucky that i live the life i do. i have it made in the shade. i do what i want, not too many people can say that. people in LA live like that too, and same in san diego. people have free schedules and are happier. they exercise and eat well, and play hard too. im ready to be in the sun all day and just doing my thing, meeting my people and living the life most people want, in hollywood.

hollywood is the place to be at 30 i think.
So Cal here I come!