so fresh and so clean..

what a wonderful weekend i had. i was out in the middle of nowhere for 3 days and 2 nights. it was amazing. no cell phones, no internet, no nothing. i barely thought about anything. i was just there doing my thing. lounging by the river, or swimming, or sitting down and talking with people. it was so relaxing for real. i thought i would go camping and have profound ideas come to me, or have some new thoughts on my life, but i didnt. i just chilled out. i think its what i needed. to not think. i think all the time. im always up in my head, so its good to be out once in a while. but the funny thing is i was super present. i didnt think really think about home or people or things going on around anywhere else. only when we were getting ready to leave did it all come to me and in the shower when i got home. this is the beginning. i am starting the beginning of my life!

ive spent my whole life caring about other people, and what other people thought and how i should or shouldnt act, and what i should be doing instead, and i realized now is the time for me. ive healed myself and thought i was all good and ready to take on new things and start my new life, but that was only part of it. i shed that some deeper skin and it showed there was so much more inside me that needed to be brought to light. i am more confident in myself and for asking what i need and saying what i like and dont like. i have all the answers, and i do have direction, its just always been hidden, because i wasnt ready. i still feel not 100 percent ready but im wayy closer than ive ever been. my life is starting to come together, all i need is my money to be flowing and ill be all good. well i guess its more than that, i need to start taking steps to get there. i need to start studing for my gre's for real. i need to get on that. it just feels good to have faith in myself. to know i have it in me, i guess it does all come down to confidence. i never really felt confident in myself before. i never thought i was important enough to have opinions that mattered. i always assumed everyone else was right and i was wrong, but the more and more i trust in me, the more and more im proven right. its kind of crazy to have all this power now. haha its funny to say now, because ive always had it. people just go upon the vibes i put out there, i used to put out the im unconfident vibes, and people took advantage of me or just made fun of me, and didnt take me seriously. it was because of what i put out there, my energy was weak. i feel strong now, i feel like people cant do that to me anymore. i radiate positivity! i love me, i really do now. its a wonderful feeling. to truly love yourself and know your worth, its not easy, most people dont even know they are missing it until they feel it. i feel so free, so uninhibited, so fresh, so clean.