something is squeezing my skull..

i have a headache. i seem to have them a lot these days, but i think its from weed.

i had a crazy ass weekend. friday i worked all day, then came home chilled, went to a show in eureka to see truth and salvage co, they are nikole and george's friends from LA i did an interview with them for the radio, it was really rad. i felt important doing that, i felt so professional sitting in the studio mixing and cutting the interview to be played on the radio. i think sometimes i forget how cool it is that im actually a dj. i guess i make it less than it is because its a small town, but fuck that, im really a dj! i wish i was getting paid to be one though, that would be rad.

ok moving on, saturday woke up early and drove down to the city with the fam and damon and his friend randy. i had a good time. as soon as we got to the hotel i left to go shopping. i went to sephora and h&m. bought some shit and came back, met up with megan and went to dinner. after dinner we took the bart to oakland to go see the shins! the place was amazing, it was set up like a Moroccan temple. the sound was awesome, but the crowd was lame! nobody was dancing around at all, there was no energy to it. its like all the sf hipsters came and thought it wasn't cool to enjoy themselves. those pretentious bastards! afterword i took the train back to the hotel alone. it really reminded me of the days when i lived in south philly and had to take the train to temple all the time. i always felt so awkward on the train, so many people to look at and to look at me. i usually had my headphones, so i could phase out, but on that train i didn't. i had to tough it out. then got back to the hotel and hung with dad and kris, then me and kris spent some time talking and then fell asleep.

now sunday is actually the craziest of them all! we drove down to mountain view california where the dead were playing. Yes the dead. the grateful dead minus jerry. it was my "first show" which is sort of a big deal to dead heads. i was expecting to pull up and see a million people dressed all wild ass and running around on drugs, and drinking in the parking lot and weed smoke everywhere, but it was NOTHING like that all. i imagined woodstock and got a dave matthew's concert. well not actually a dave concert but the type of people you would expect to be at one of those shows. i was in total shock and felt like an idiot. so we go in and have amazing seats, which was cool the show started and it was normal hippish, i still didnt see the intrigue associated with this band's live shows..then the show went on a bit and they played a song i knew well, "franklins tower" and i started to feel it a little more. i decided when i went there i was just gonna live it, do what people do at those shows and really get a feel for the scene..oh boy did i. i decided it was a good idea to eat a piece of magic chocolate, i took a small bite thinking it would just make me a bit more high and maybe i would see trails, well i was 100% wrong. it started out really cool, i was digging the music and feeling the vibes, at one point i even said to myself " wow i drank the kool-aid, i get it now" and then bam! i got hit with the toughest craziest heaviest waves from these mushrooms, it was so fucking intense.the music just kept going on and on and fucking on, and every time they jammed hard, i had a crazy ass wave hit me where i was crawling out my skin. it was horrible. i really wasnt having fun, i kept just wishing it would go away, kind of what ive said to myself with every drug ive took for the past two years. so i realized yet again, drugs arent good for me. no matter how chill they are, or safe i think they are, they just dont work in my body. weed is one of those too, i just havent found the will to quit that yet. i took that one week off and i felt good, but havent felt the need to do that again.

i need to re-motivate myself. i lost it. i was so jazzed on working out and eating healthy and saving up to move, but i find myself in the same spot i was in over a month ago. going to the gym randomly and eating semi-healthy. but im not doing anything else at all. i just feel so stuck. all the real shit is coming out now after my banter about nothing, but i have to get off this thing, because my eyes hurt and i feel nauseous. ill write more on this subject later, when i can really think and have something cool to say.
peace yo