be careful what you ask for, you just might get it..

i just watched "into the wild" and damn did that movie really make me feel weird. i wasnt really ready to sit down and watch a movie, but it came on and i got sucked in automatically..i had heard that it was an excellent movie and had planned on watching it sometime, but i guess tonight was the night it was supposed to happen. i really loved the poetic theme of the film, and how philosophical it is. the whole idea of just leaving all these things behind and living like our ancestors in the wild is a noble idea indeed, but very fucking stupid. i felt so uncomfortable and anxious towards the end when he was starving, and his body was barely nothing. i felt so angry at him, it was his fault! he decided to do this haphazardly and it was stupid! he touched so many peoples lives and esp the old guy ron. he asked him to join his family and he said when he came back, thats the thing, he had all plans to come back but was trapped. he didnt bring a map, so he couldnt find his way out. its so horrible. that poor kid, he essentially killed himself. the worst part is he didnt want to, he realized that being alone wasnt happiness, he said happiness is found in sharing, and that really hit home for me. i spend so much time alone, and when people are around me sometimes i kind of cant wait to get back to being alone and having my time, but thats so stupid. the times with people is living, sitting in my living room alone isnt living at all.not at all. i need to start living life, i know i say this often and its true. i mean i shouldnt be so hard on myself because i am starting to live life sort of. i have new friends and my old friends are back, so i have options.

i am feeling obsessed with this person chris from into the wild, i think i need to get the book and read it. but maybe not too, its really disturbing me, i dont understand it, what did he do with all that time alone? how was he not scared? or was he scared? how did he not get attacked by people or animals? there was this scene where a bear comes right to his face, but doesnt do anything to him, i think because he was too skinny and it wasnt worth it for the bear to eat. man its so frustrating knowing that there was this wire a quarter of a mile down that he could have used to cross the river and he would be okay. he wanted to leave, he was ready to get back to life, and then he was stuck. its so fucked up. its like the universe really gave him what he wanted like the old saying "be careful what you ask for, you just might get it"