faith and futures..

I've been going through things in my head a lot these days. i really feel like I'm growing up in such the cliche way. i mean IMO noticing things that people always say, or do or that I've just seen older people do, or say or act, and those cliches are so true. you really do freak out when you turn 30. the thing is, I'm not freaking out in a bad way, I'm freaking out in a good way. i really want to save money, i want to have a career and a family. for the first time in my life i want those types of things. i don tknow if its because Ive been seeing so many people i grew up with from facebook, and seeing their lives and their families. it really puts things in prospective. I'm tired of living this life of solitude and distance and being withdrawn from others. i feel like I'm healed up pretty good. i went through a lot in my life that really messed me up as a person, and i feel Ive now gone through it, sifted it out and got through it. i accept my past and use it as a catalyst to have a better life. i knew moving here was to heal, over the 2 years Ive lived here, I've gone back and fourth about if i was ever gonna move. it was always in the back of my head, but i got really comfortable with the way my life is. money is easy, work is plentiful, the living is the easiest. very chill, very open to what i want it to be, but I'm done with all that. I'm ready to be busy and to work towards a goal. I'm ready to move. yup i said it. I'm ready to move outta Humboldt. my goal right now is to save save save!! the more money i save the better. i decided to cut down on a lot of extras, start living like I'm broke as hell. no going out to eat too much, no extensive shopping, more careful grocery trips, maybe not everything organic. i really need to scrape through, and save. once i do this, i open myself up to do and go anywhere. there are 4 realistic options.
1-LA-nikole and george are there. my life would be filled with people and fun, and family. i would be so comfortable and be able to have my own life, but be a big part of nikoles again. the weather is incredible. sunny days all the time, opportunities everywhere for work and new things to learn.
2-Berkeley-i have two friends, tibby and Megan who live there. i think its a great little town close to san fran, but has its own personality. there is a college so its still hip, but suburby kinda. culture all around, very chill people, health conscious, shopping, good shows, still in northern cali, close to Humboldt to go up and work sometimes, close to family.
3-Philadelphia-the home town, family, friends, very very comfy, but its where i left. i feel like i can never go back there. there is a part of me that will always miss it and always include it in my thoughts on moving. family is huge, family parties, help, but then drama and dealing with craziness of my brothers baby and just plain drama between everyone. getting stuck in old patterns, etc.
4-Washington, DC-Terra lives there, bill lives close and Ernie lives there, and Garrett lives close. i would have a good friend base to hang with and meet people. its a train ride away from philly, still has east coast charm. good shows, restaurants, Obama will be president, so cool time to live there. history and such. downfall is the freezing cold!! and expensive, and what would i do for work?

well i guess that question is for all those places, what would i do for work?? I'm leaving it up to the universe to just guide me where I'm supposed to go. i feel like something will happen to lead me where I'm going to live. my job is to make some sort of career and save money and it will all fall into place.

faith.
is what i have in my future.